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TBF Project:Blog
Posted by Dain, Thursday, April 21, 2005 2:49 PM (Eastern)
One Friday night, I was drinking wine in my friend A.'s room. She was rather melancholy because she had fallen in love with an itinerant Brazilian the weekend before. R. was making out with his then boyfriend. I felt a bit awkward, not really knowing anyone, so I reached for one of Angela's Elle. A bunch of my guy friends came by, and not knowing what to do with all these drunk women and the two gay men making out in the corner, they arrayed themselves at my feet. "Funny," I thought, "I'm like a queen sitting on a throne. Or it's storytime, at any rate." B. noticed the Elle. "What are you reading? Stop reading that."
I felt rather ashamed, so I put it down. Why? I don't know. I can't imagine anyone who could possibly be more high-maintenance, as far as such things aesthetic, personal style, and hygiene go. I just bought a black tee for the first time in my life two weeks ago. Today, I wore my hair in a chignon, a $61 moisturizer on my face, an extravagant black & white skirt, Guerlain lip gloss, fancy tweed flats. If I didn't read fashion magazines, who would?
And yet, somehow, he meant it as a compliment. It meant that even despite everything superficial I'm devoted to, I'm "cooler than that"—despite my meticulous coiffure, my girly outfits, or sparkly lip gloss, I still came across as a chill, intelligent, and somehow... low-maintenance, individual. Something deeper about my character was more obvious than any surface virtue, and none of my "surface virtues", as such, worked as any indication of absolute value. Hence the shame.
Of course, B. was wrong. Fashion and makeup are just as important to me as, say, beer or Red Sox or the progression of male ego in the argument of the king in All's Well that Ends Well or the color of the sky in the evening or Jimi Hendrix. But it taught me something. Men—indeed, women, too, regarding men—don't like to see us putting effort into our looks. They don't like us to look like we haven't put any effort into our looks, either. They don't like to know that there's a backstage. They're hypocrites, of course, but... are we women so deep? Some like their men metro, but I don't, and I don't think most women do, either. Effortlessness is attractive. It approximates confidence, though confidence is only marginally involved.
Yes, it's a game. But what difference does it make?
Labels: culture notes, philosophy
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