November 3, 2007 3:57 PM,  Jenny B said...

A key to finding your own style (lifestyle, even) is to not care what others are thinking. There is a dual influence of what you see advertised in magazines and what people around you wear and promote. That can be a source of inspiration and/or of urgency that propels you into thinking that buying something new or more of the same is the answer. There is no avoiding wanting to have more, newer and better things. I think it's in our genes, and the constant barrage of ads, celebrity endorsement and acquaintances' bragging makes some of us more susceptible to the urge.

I myself have had long periods of being content with my wardrobe, library, wine cellar, scarf collection, and feeling no need to add to either of them. Still, I'd see someone on the street laden with shopping bags, and I'd think to myself "Ach, to be bringing home something new!"

When you stop comparing yourself to other people, be it celebrities or friends with more money, you wean yourself off being envious of what they have - that envy that tricks you into thinking that buying another pair of shoes will alleviate the feeling of inadequacy. "Not caring" can mean being happy for someone else and letting them enjoy what they have. For yourself, though, the most important part is finding what truly matters to you. Although fashions change, and to some degree I with it, I know now what styles I prefer in shoes, dresses, skirts, colours, silhouettes etc.

When you are secure like that in your own choices, you will care even less what others are thinking; about you, and about themselves. Their choices won't vex you, and you will feel no need to justify your own choices (publicly or internally). In fact, judging others' lifestyles will seem utterly silly, like yet another branch on the surge of self-righteousness fed by talent shows and reality soaps, that claims that anyone is in a position to judge other people's talents, social skills and clothes.

In my life I have found out what is important to me: what areas of life and what styles in those areas. Books, food, wine, theater, music, TV series, art, suits, and silk scarves are high on my priority list. Clubbing, interior decoration, and shoes are very low on my list. Shoes - I don't neglect them, I keep them on a maintenance level. But I remember that I was unable to procure a certain type of shoe that I love for the last ten years, and now it's on shelves again. I've bought two pairs and will buy more. Whether they go out of style for another decade or not, my taste for them will not waver. I won't let fashion whims detract me from wearing what I enjoy and what I think is beautiful.

I've always been of the opinion that quality pays, and since having the funds to try out my theory, I've found that it holds. Of course, I'm not too uptight to admit I've made fashion mistakes! As for shopping for more: at times I have the shopping urge, but I'm now very indiscriminate in what I actually end up buying, so the urge will sometimes pass unsatisfied. For the times in between, I'm very happy with the eclectic collection of stuff I've acquired over the years.

November 3, 2007 4:26 PM,  Dain said...

Brava, couldn't have said it better. It strikes me, however, that people, and perhaps women in particular, do want to be told what to think, what to expect, what to wear; a sort of two-way relationship. It's exhausting to be an individualist. Still, I would like to see more people tell themselves, "I have enough," instead of this more-more-more thing I see so often with, it must be stated, my generation. My peers are so greedy--for attention, for material goods--and the odd thing is, people seem to become increasingly insecure, not the other way around. Insecurity makes for better sales, so I feel that contemporary media tends to perpetuate that feeling, like it is bad to have confidence. It's not that I hate shopping, quite the contrary, it's just there's no reason to buy too much.

November 3, 2007 4:58 PM,  Colleen Shirazi said...

Eh...yeah, I do think women tend, more than men, to want to "fit in."

In men's society, it's all dog-eat-dog. (Or "dog chewing the bones of the other dog.") Hence I think men tend to not care what other men think.

Where I think it is more important in women's society to conform. I don't agree with it, I've found it tends to work better if you're content with staying in the middle...not at the top, not at the bottom.

I think the younger generation in the U.S. is deprived. They have so much stuff pushed on them all the time, it's insane. Most of the stuff is junk. If I watch tv for two minutes, I blow a fuse...because they have eleven-year-old girls on there, made up to look like thirty-year-old hookers. Let's get 'em spending on accessories before they're old enough to figure out the system?

Some things are not obvious to the ordinary eye...like...playgrounds. They're dismantling playgrounds around here, one by one. At first I attributed the change to lawsuits...they would take away the merry-go-round (the kind you push), the tall swings (replaced by midget swings, if any), yadda yadda...

It occurred to me what they were putting in their place...rock climbing simulations, say, or this towering jungle gym made out of rope...was more dangerous than what they were replacing.

The new equipment is oriented toward little kids. The stuff they took out was for bigger kids.

What it boils down to--one of the last remaining free forms of entertainment for bigger kids is now gone.

It's insidious but you're looking at it...your alternatives to shopping or otherwise spending big bucks are becoming less, not more.

November 3, 2007 5:27 PM,  Colleen Shirazi said...

Hi Jenny! waves

I agree with these concepts... I think everyone has something, an interest or hobby, a vice if you will (or virtue depending on whom you ask :D ). Something to break up the monotony of everyday life.

What we're looking at is shopping on steroids, because of the Internet...it's much easier to shop and buy. Where before, you would take a shower, get dressed, go to the store, look around, probably pay in cash...now, in the middle of the night, you can buy stuff. It does encourage more careless spending.

November 3, 2007 7:42 PM,  Audrey_H said...

I guess age and maturity matters too. I remember being more interested in shopping/"collecting" after graduating in my early twenties, when I started receiving my paychecks, living on my own, buying things for my apartment, building a wardrobe etc. Pretty normal for a young woman, I would say. But then something happens - let's say around 30 or in my case - late twenties. I "calmed down" and I was satisfied with what I had - and most important of all - I only bought things I *really* liked. And I am picky.

I truly believe in this, buying only things you love - but then again, who has time to search for *the* holy grail. There are so many other things in life, so many ways to spend my time, and shopping for that one perfect lipstick or blush isn't necessarily one of them :)

But it's possible one has to go through that spending period to get there.

November 3, 2007 8:21 PM,  Dain said...

I would definitely agree with Audrey that it takes a spending period to get to a point where you know what you like; you develop an eye for these things. But personally, I rather enjoy hunting for holy grails, it makes it fun. : ) For example, I found a perfect pump, and I found myself looking at eight or so lesser pairs and throwing them out. I never wore them, because they didn't really "take", and this one really great shoe could fulfill all their other roles. It simultaneously gives me a lovely thing to enjoy and declutters my life.