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Posted by Colleen Shirazi, Friday, August 05, 2005 4:08 PM (Eastern)
It is well-known, whenever you return to a (figurative) place and time in your life, you tend to revert to however you were at that time and in that place.
High school or family reunions...it's not that those people make you feel the way you used to; I don't believe that. It's that you yourself feel the way you did before, and tend to assume the shape of what you were before, if you're not careful.
I realized...again, trying to put my finger on what is style and what isn't. It's not confidence, exactly. You can be completely confident and still look like hell. That's not it.
Self-knowledge comes closer but that is not it either. So, I know I look lousy in a miniskirt? Fine; I don't wear one.
Purpose...I feel that comes the closest. But that really isn't it. Perhaps it's easier, somehow, to define style when it's missing, than define exactly what it is in the first place.
I was one of those ugly ducklings. It's difficult for girls. It's all in the mind; I look nothing now the way I did before. But...mojo? Groove? Whatever it is, I did not possess it when I was growing up. I was the quintessential geek long before I knew how to exchange the values of two variables without creating a third variable (it can be done btw).
A bad sign is when you start changing clothes. I never do that anymore; I just don't. I look at the weather, then see what's clean in the closet, then find a shirt, jeans, Doc Martens.... If the shirt is too skimpy, I put a vest over it. As far as jackets, it's either denim or leather. shrugs
I'd rather put my hair up. It's almost always windy around here. I'd rather wear earrings as long as my hair is up. I have some old and new earrings.
When your mojo is missing, somehow it never works that way. You fret. You end up wearing something you never normally wear. Nothing fits. You feel fat. Or skinny. Your hair won't behave. Nothing matches. Who the heck is that person in the mirror? The poor sod, you think.
I mean I realized this consciously today. How much the inner frame of mind, affects the exact same exterior. The same clothes, the same body, the same face!
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